One of the most unfair games we as humans play with one another is ‘pedestalizing’.
Pedestalize: To place something (or someone) on a pedestal; to hold something (or someone) in very high esteem, especially to an exaggerated degree.
To idolize another person, their gifts, or talents is an unfair game. It’s unfair to the person doing the pedestalizing because it robs them of the journey of seeking and finding their genius and inner knowing. Instead of living their own hero’s journey, they end up living vicariously through another’s life and experiences. As long as we are looking outside ourselves for answers and fulfillment we will only find dissatisfaction, disappointment, anger, and unhappiness.
Look around at all of the idols that have been created by a world determined to find meaning outside of themselves and observe how often their ‘gods’ fail them. I would say that happens nearly 100% of the time, eventually. Never meet your idols, they say. I say never make one to begin with.
People are human beings and they have this human experience to learn, grow, and evolve. They may have some answers that you don’t but they don’t have all of them. They too, no matter who they are, are also students in earth school.
Did I say ‘god’? Why, yes I did. Thank you for noticing that. What is a god? First of all, just to be clear, god is not necessarily a name, it’s a category, and it can have many meanings. The English word god comes from the Old English god, which itself is derived from the Proto-Germanic *gudą.
Definition:
god /gŏd/
A being conceived as the perfect, omnipotent, omniscient originator and ruler of the universe, the principal object of faith and worship in monotheistic religions.
The force, effect, or manifestation or aspect of this being.
A being of supernatural powers or attributes, believed in and worshiped by a people, especially a male deity thought to control some part of nature or reality.
If we view an individual as perfect and infallible we have made them into an idol. We have made a false ‘god’ out of them, so to speak. We have found ourselves ‘attached’ to some sort of a perceived, reliable, perfect output of whatever we believe they are giving us. We don’t do this consciously. We are conditioned and programmed to seek our Source out there, rather than inside of ourselves.
Who are our gods? They can be found in our governments, our churches, our media, our entertainment, our hobbies, and in all sorts of places. Name a place and you will find there is someone or something that can be placed on a pedestal.
Years ago, when I was a churchgoer, I looked for two things in a church: number one, great music, and number two, a wise, well-read, and deeply compassionate teacher. Those were my standards. Having grown up listening to excellent music, of all sorts, I could not handle the idea of being bored out of my mind by what I considered lame music. As far as the wise teacher is concerned, I felt at the time that I needed a challenge and to hear a sermon that caused me to think deeply and grow. I found a steady supply of all those things for a season at all of the different fellowships I attended. But I also witnessed my heroes, those whom I had put on a pedestal, fail and disappoint their ‘flock’, time after time. And I was devastated, time after time. Why was I devastated? I didn’t understand this at the time and I would be mortified to read what I am writing today, but my ‘god’, the man or woman I had unknowingly and unfairly pedestalized, stopped supplying what I needed. And when your ‘god’ fails you it is a very personal and painful experience.
I now understand why it is unskillful to put anyone on a pedestal. I had to come to terms with my conditioning around that belief. I had to forgive those whom I believed failed me and I had to forgive myself for outsourcing my inner work and journey to others. It took a while but I finally realized that it is just as unfair to the person receiving the veneration, as the person giving it because they too will suffer when they fail. They will fail because they are human, just like the rest of us.
Some people want to be on a pedestal and likely do not understand why. It could be rooted in having a childhood in which they felt that they were not seen, given enough attention, appreciated, or maybe even abused. It could be an inflated ego that has caused them to buy into their particular mythology. Or it could simply be because they believe, due to societal conditioning and programming, that people, like themselves, who have gifts, talents, or some sort of specialized knowledge are supposed to be put on a pedestal. Who knows? Regardless of motivation, it can be equally as devastating to them when they fail. Possibly more so because they may feel the burden of feeling responsible for disappointing others. Sometimes devastatingly so. And that can be a lot for a feeling person to live with. I don’t think they should have to live with that as no one should be put on a pedestal to begin with. And of course, some are narcissists or sociopaths and may have no qualms about their impact. They want power, pure and simple.
Some individuals don’t want to be put on a pedestal but they end up there anyway. They do not desire that kind of power. They disappoint others by being human and fallible. And they are surprised to learn that living up to that projection is an expectation. And the fallout for them, when they do not live up to the projections of others, is not only painful, it is disorienting because they did not see themselves in that light.
The idea that we can get high on someone’s supply, whatever that supply might appear to be, and then demonize them when they do not live up to the standards we set for them, is unrealistic and lacks maturity. Yet, it’s woven into the very fabric of our society and it serves as a distraction from the deep work we have come here to do and the journey only we can take.
It is good to admire one another but it’s unskillful to project expectations of infallibility and perfection onto anyone. There is a great deal of suffering that could be avoided both personally and collectively if this were understood, for all involved. It will take mankind growing up, showing up, and taking responsibility for its destiny, rather than outsourcing that out to everything outside of themselves, to shift this collective reality. As long as we think the answers are out there, somewhere, and some authority or expert has a monopoly on them, or we see ourselves as that authority for another, we will remain stunted in our growth.
We are here to show up and embark on our journey of learning, living, growing, and overcoming the obstacles before us. No one else can do that for us. We are here to live out our own story, not live through the life and experiences of another, no matter how highly we might think of them. No one has the answers you need and no one is coming to save you. That’s an inside job and you have what it takes!
Be your ‘own’ hero.